Denial

I saw him walking across the street with an ice cream in each of his hands. It was from my favorite ice cream truck. Nothing beats their vanilla yogurt ice cream.  We often have it during our dates.

But then, a familiar girl walked towards him and took the ice cream from his hands. Negative thoughts ran inside my head even when I tried to stop it still did. I was trying my best to become rational and figured out the reason of this sight but then I remembered he was supposed to have a soccer practice right now. And that familiar girl was supposed to accompany me shopping right now. We have promised earlier that we are going to shop for some new clothes since most of the stores here were having sales. But she cancelled at the last minute telling me that she had to go to her relatives’ house since all of her family was going to give them a visit. I believed her, of course I would. Why wouldn’t I, she was my best friend after all. You can’t possibly thought of any ill things when your best friend cancelled on you to go to her relatives’ house.

But there she was, having a good time enjoying my favorite ice cream with my boyfriend.

I noticed how he changed a bit lately. He didn’t text me as often as he did and he didn’t pay attention to me like he used to. I was sad of course and I tried to fix it thinking that it was probably because of my fault. I didn’t want to talk things out with him because I didn’t want him to think that I was making a big deal out of it. I just thought that I should give him some space.

I guess it didn’t work since he’s with my best friend now.

I can’t manage to hold my tears. We were together for almost a year now and she was my best friend after all. The thought of them betraying me was too much to contain that I can felt the pain throbbing every corners of my heart.

Tears were falling and I didn’t bother to stop it anymore. It was when I heard myself sobbing that I bit my lower lips to keep myself shut. There were a lot of people walking in the street and I didn’t want to gain anyone attention in that kind of state.

I was looking awful, I felt awful. I hated that this happened. Us three, we were doing great, we were happy. Why does it have to end like this?

Broken. I felt broken inside. Was it my fault? How can I not notice that my best friend was having feelings for my boyfriend?

Another sobs slipped. I have to cover my mouth with both of my hands this time.

Somehow I hoped that they realized that I was there witnessing their betrayal so that they would feel guilty of their action. But I was so weak to encounter the truth when they face me to explain for their actions.

“I don’t love you anymore.”

“I love him now.”

I didn’t want to hear any of it. I kept on crying on the streets.

Another throbs of pain hit me when I saw him holding her hands. My knees became weak and I knew if I stayed there any longer I would collapsed in that instance. So, I turned around and walked away. Tears were accompanying my way home.

My house wasn’t far but it felt like ages for me to arrive to the warmness of it. I forced my feet to move.

I was in my room now, all wrapped up in my blanket. I spent my night crying over it. No calls went in. That means they were oblivious of the fact that I knew of their relationship now. Or else they would be calling me to explain and to apologize.

I was glad that I didn’t face them on the street because I don’t think I could deal the fact that my boyfriend was cheating on me with my dear best friend if they were trying to explain to me.

I was sobbing my pains out hoping that by the end of it all of the pain would fade away.

But then again I woke up the next morning feeling none less awful that I was last night. I felt numb. I was still draped with blanket when I was supposed to get ready for school that morning.

I didn’t want to go to school and met them. I didn’t know how to put up with their façade now that I know the truth and my heart hurts.

A slow knock hit my door a few times. My mom was definitely worried. I was never late for school. She must have thought that I was sick or something. I could let her think that way and not going to school for that reason. But I hate to see my mother worried over me for being sick. I was sick a lot when I was a child and I didn’t want my mother to worry some more.

I got off the bed weakly and went to the door.

“Yes mom, I’m coming.” I didn’t open the door because I knew my mother would notice my swollen eyes.
I walked slowly to class. I kept my heart numb. I didn’t want to cry anymore, at least not in school.

Both of them came into my sight as soon as I entered our class. I was about to cry so I bit my lips hard.
I can’t cry. They would know. They would have to confess. It would be all true. I have to accept the truth that I was losing my best friend and my boyfriend.

No!

I was about to move a step inside the class when my tears failed me. The numbness I felt was replaced with a sore aching pain that threatens my strength that I forcefully built before I went to school just now.

I was weak and on the verge of breaking. I wanted to run from there, from all of this madness.

They saw me and my tears. Both of them were coming for me. I was still in denial and refused to accept the fact that they betrayed my trust for them.

So I continued the façade that they started.

“Hi guys!” while brushing my tears off with single hands like it was nothing.

They were puzzled. “Why are you crying?” she asked so innocently. He touched my face with his the back of his hand like he always did whenever I cried. “Hey, tell me.”

It made me wanted to cry more. I would miss that if we broke up. I would miss their warmth. But how could they do this to me? Where did I do wrong?

They were my friends. Ones that I held so special in my heart. They can’t be doing this to me. I loved them.
They loved me. At least that was what I thought.

I continued the day like usual except that I talked less with them and I didn’t spent the lunch time with them, like I used to do. Thank god they didn’t seem to mind and let me be.

I was writing a note for both of them to read. I knew I can’t lie to myself forever.

I left the note on her desk after school and walked out of the class knowing that it would be my last time here. I wasn’t brave enough to face the truth nor was I strong enough to continue their façade.

I walked away, for the sake of my heart and for both of them.

“Be happy, both of you. Although I can’t fathom the reason why you did this, I know you two still love me. Sorry for leaving like this. You saw me this morning, I wasn’t strong enough. Good bye.”

I wonder why I didn’t receive any calls from you two after leaving the school. I didn’t change my number though.

Why didn’t you call?

No, you loved me. I miss you two. Call me please.